For those of us who are facing “potty training” with our toddlers, just remember you will need endless patience, a sense of humor, and plenty of time to spend in the bathroom. The transition time between diapers and using the toilet has been a source of angst for numerous families. And I am seeing that the pressure is really on working parents now that many pre-schools and classrooms require the child be out of diapers by the time they reach a certain stage. It seems ridiculous to give a toddler a deadline doesn’t it? These expectations have caused many to “push” potty training- but the results can have the opposite effect.
My husband and I are facing this pressure now as our daughter is moving rapidly through toddler-hood. We see other children her age that are successfully potty training- and we hear the comments of their proud parents (don’t even get me started on competition).  However, we are extremely fortunate that her caregivers share our belief that she will be potty trained when she shows us that she is ready. See Rachael’s tips on Signs of Potty Training Readiness to get a better understanding of what those signs are.
We decided to adopt this attitude of patience after watching my brother and sister in law go through an enormous amount of stress as they struggled to speed along the potty training process for our niece a few years back. They, like many working parents, succumbed to the pressure that was placed on them from their daughter’s pre-school to get her out of diapers so she can move up to the next level in the classroom with the rest of her peers.
As a result- our niece developed anxiety towards the potty and would put her little body through great discomfort to prevent herself from “going” so she could avoid the process all together. Obviously, this increased the tension and was a real cause of concern for my her well being.
I am happy to report that after months of patiently working with her to banish her potty fears- our niece is completely trained and was able to move along in her pre school program.  My brother and sister in law have also decided they will not rush the process with their second child…they will wait until he is good and ready and rely on their parental instincts to go through this process. While I hate that they had such a difficult time as a family, I am grateful that my husband and I were able to learn from their experiences and have decided we will not let ANYONE tell us when our daughter should be using the toilet and trust that she will let us know when the time is right. We have a potty for her- we talk about the potty- but that is all I can do for now.  We will eventually add Training Pants to the mix- but we have to take it one step at a time.
Whenever I begin to question my abilities as a Mom- I remind myself of Rachael’s last rule from her post about Potty Training:Don’t give up hope. He or she won’t want to wear a diaper forever.
The transition from wearing diapers to real “underwear” – often referred to as “potty training” – can be one of incredible stress and anxiety. Each toddler meets this challenge in their own way. She or he may sit on the potty for 45 minutes without any results only to soak the carpet one minute later. Others want to use the potty every 5 minutes while you are busy preparing a meal.
It can be very frustrating for you. We may never fully understand all the reasons why our children behave this way. They don’t understand it either, after all, they are still a baby. We do know that any message that says your child’s value depends upon performance can have significant negative consequences. This is not about being good or bad. They need to know you love them even when they don’t “perform” on the potty.
As you work with your child, keep some of these tips in mind:
The Do’s and Don’ts of Potty Training for Parents
Do’s
Do invite them in when you use the bathroom.
Do ask them “do you need to go to the potty?” if they look like they need reminding.
Do watch the clock closely for regular patterns of elimination and take them to the potty at the right time.
Do let the toddler use the potty when they want to.
Do switch from diapers to training pants (but never insist).
Do dress them in clothes they can get out of quickly. In the house, training pants only or pants with elastic waist that pull down quick.
Do teach them to wipe.
Do teach them to pull up their pants.
Do teach them to wash their hands.
Do appreciate when your toddler tries to use the potty.
Do appreciate when your toddler reports an “after the fact” in their diaper or training pants. This recognition of body signals is a step in the right direction.
Do praise accomplishments and overlook accidents.
Do be patient with relapses.
Do have something to read in the bathroom.
Do remember, your toddler will learn to use the toilet!
Dont’s
Don’t force them to sit on the potty.
Don’t flush in the presence of your toddler if they have a fear or are upset by flushing the toilet.
Don’t use good or bad in relation to toilet training. Instead of saying “what a good girl you are” commend the act “what a great job you did”.
Don’t make the bathroom a battle-ground. If you meet with total resistance wait till your child is a little older.
Don’t shame or punish.
Don’t give up hope. He or she won’t want to wear a diaper forever.
Summer is a great time for Potty Learning. But starting too early will usually result in you spending half of your life sitting in the bathroom waiting for your toddler to use the potty. It’s best to begin when they are ready which is somewhere between 20 months and 2 1/2 years old.Don’t start if there are big changes ahead, such as:#1 new baby in the family
#2 move from house or school, parent starting work, etc.
There are signs for potty readiness
Toilet learning is a complex skill which requires awareness, concentration, coordination, muscle control, and split-second timing. Your toddler, sooner or later, will learn to use the toilet. Starting when they are ready will make it much easier for you and your toddler.
The signs are universal if you can answer yes to them you’re ready for the next step. if not, Be patient and give it a little more time.
Able to stay dry for an hour or two
Awareness of bodily functions they look, grunt, comment when they go
Interest in being clean and dry
Able to understand and follow simple instructions
Interest in wearing training pants instead of diapers
Simple self-dressing
Interest or curiosity about bathroom habits (it often becomes a preoccupation)
Make sure you are ready
You will need endless patience, a sense of humor, and plenty of time to spend in the bathroom.
from Rachael Flug, mother of three and founder of Diaperaps and Babys Organic Nursery
For those of us who are facing “potty training” with our toddlers, just remember you will need endless patience, a sense of humor, and plenty of time to spend in the bathroom. The transition time between diapers and using the toilet has been a source of angst for numerous families. And I am seeing that the pressure is really on working parents now that many pre-schools and classrooms require the child be out of diapers by the time they reach a certain stage. It seems ridiculous to give a toddler a deadline doesn’t it? These expectations have caused many to “push” potty training- but the results can have the opposite effect.
